tobermoriansass:

unspeakablehorror replied to your post “Anyway today has been A Day full of all kinds of unrelenting fuckery…”

Finn is compulsively clean and startles easily.

After Crait, they put Finn in one of their flight sims because they need all the pilots they can get to fight this war against the First Order. But something about the sims – and Finn can’t tell if it’s the smallness of space and the sudden myriad movements he has to track (but why does it matter: he’s flown and shot in a TIE before and he had no trouble; the cockpit of an X-Wing is hardly smaller than that of a TIE) or if it’s some lingering memory of standing in a sim with a blaster in his hand and being unable to shoot at the civilians coming towards him all while Phasma watches and his inaction signs his own death sentence – sends him into a cold sweat and he can’t concentrate enough to run through every step smoothly or fire at the approaching TIEs though he has no problem doing it in the flesh. 

For a while he wonders if it means he’s not meant for war in the least, but the thing is out on the field, with the adrenaline running through him and the crystal clarity of the life/death of the battlefield, he does what he can. 

It’s just something about the simulacrum of the real thing that dredges up the spectre of all the things he’d thought he’d escaped.

[Send me a headcanon about a non-white character in SW or HP and I’ll give you a headcanon of my own.]